These Words given by My Parent That Saved Me when I became a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was just just surviving for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the truth quickly became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a healthy space. You require support. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more comfortable talking about the strain on mums and about PND, less is said about the challenges new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider reluctance to talk between men, who still internalise damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It isn't a show of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to request a respite - spending a short trip abroad, outside of the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "terrible actions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, turning in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he says. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a family member, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, physical activity and when you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead give the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their pain, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I believe my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."